I love Oprah. I don't always agree with her, but I truly enjoy the journey that she takes people on. She is one of the few celebrities that I respect - mostly for following her passion and using her God-given gifts to teach and help others. She has a new network - OWN - which has a bunch of great programs on it but one of them that I particularly enjoyed was her life lessons class.
She often talks about ah ha moments - I suppose I've had a few of those over the years, but recently, I had a serious one. I have always wanted to be liked, to be accepted, to be loved. It stems from things that happened in my childhood - things I don't really want to discuss here. Saying that however, there are blessings that come from trials - an incredibly close relationship with both of my parents - two people that I can tell absolutely anything to (and do) and also some measure of self-awareness.
But for years, I have struggled with not being good enough for some people. I try and try and try again in a variety of ways to make them like me, to treat me with respect and to be kind to me. And I get burned - again, again and again. And I get hurt - over and over. I continue to trust them, to show them pieces of myself and wind up getting stomped on.
Oprah shared in one of her life classes - when someone shows you who they are, believe them. Simple isn't it? When someone shares their love, their kindness and their joy with you, believe that. Trust in that. When someone shows you their spitefulness, their untruthfulness and their unkindness, believe that too. Why do I continue to put aside those that bring good things to my life and focus on those who do not? That is not to say that mistakes can't be made and forgiveness can't be offered. Ah ha. I get it - finally. And it has only taken me 35 years.
I received a card from a friend the other day. It was one of those cards that come at just the right time, that says just the right thing and lets you know that you are being thought about. It reminded me in a very real way that I am blessed. I have people in my life that accept me for me. Who love me, love my goodness and rebuke my faults with grace and mercy. Angels sent to me from up above.
I still choose to be kind to those who are unkind to me. I choose to forgive as I am forgiven. But I refuse to allow people into my space who have shown that they cannot be trusted with it - with me. Instead, I embrace those who have shown me who they are, and believe them. I believe in their goodness, their inner beauty and their light. And I am grateful - beyond words - to have finally learned this lesson. To be free from this burden that I have carried for so long. I'm sure I will still have days that I struggle with this issue, but the lesson has been learned and heard deep within my soul. I am enough, and if someone can't see that - it's actually okay because there are others who do see it.
